JUST ASK WINK: BEATING THE BLADDER COPS

by: Wink


"(Urine tests) have little to do with drug abuse, and a lot to do with controlling workers and weeding out undesirables." --Abbie Hoffman

In response to several inquiries on a subject there was only room enough to touch on in last issue's Legalize It! supplement, I will now "pass" on what we have found to work, re: beating piss tests, both practically and (ultimately) politically.

The best advice I can offer is one's taking two to three weeks of abstinence from consumption from substances which the Enforcers term "contraband" (if you happen to be one of the fortunate workers whose bosses inform them they're planning such tests for you and your co-workers 2 to 3 weeks in advance). For those on shorter notice of, say 2-3 days, flush your system out by drinking lots and lots of water to urinate as much as possible. Meanwhile, take 50 Milligrams of Vitamin B-2 daily (and on the day before the tests) to provide a natural urine color. If you are only able to find out about the testing HOURS before, I advise consuming lots of water, etc. (and pray to the God(s) or Goddess(es) of your choice). When giving any samples NEVER give the initial urine out of your bladder. Substituting urine samples from someone who IS drug-free WILL WORK but the sample must be within 2-3 hours fresh and THE URINE MUST BE WARM so wear it against your body (in the proximity of your crotch, natch) in a condom or balloon; attach it with tape so it'll be easier to hide and to take out when needed. THINGS THAT WILL NOT WORK: Drinking vinegar or juice or taking niacin and goldenseal will NOT work. Adding directly to your piss sample things like ammonia, bleach, salt or household products is considered unreliable. Bleach and salt WILL cause a negative but don't use them (bleach smells weird and salt looks funky; either/both would tip off the Enforcers)

DON'T PISS AND MOAN; ORGANIZE. Ultimately, the only way to TRULY fight piss testing is through grass-roots political mobilization. Talk to your co-workers and friends. Share facts like: urine tests yield false positives 10% to 30% of the time. Discuss how piss testing is an assault upon the 4th Amendment. ("The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated.") The first step as always is to first educate yourself, for which I recommend HIGH TIMES, reading the classic STEAL THIS URINE TEST by Abbie Hoffman (Penguin, 1987) and joining NORML (900-97-NORML), CAN or any other political lobbying group who shares your views, or organize one yourself if there isn't one in your area.

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